Delirium of a dark night, and a brilliant moon.

I don’t know for sure why most people write on their blogs, but I tend to believe that it is, in some way to share thoughts about anything, mostly about their lives.

I don’t know if I am an unusual case or not. I started writing this blog, kneeing that nobody was reading it. It was a blog just for myself, hidden in a world of others.

Now, once I knew that people where looking at my blog, I found myself not wanting to write on it any more.

Tonight the sky is dark, and lightly clouded. The moon is not full, but bright. It creates some sort of mystic effect and halo with the clouds that surrounds it. A beauty that has to be appreciated with your own eyes. A digital camera (at least mine, or maybe is a photographer issue :P ) is unable to capture the emotions of the scene.

I am listening to the album “Brilliant Midnight”, by “Caroline Lavelle”. It really sets a peaceful mood.

Back to the thoughts about my blog. I feel that this goes a bit deeper.

I noticed I do not like the feeling of “maybe” being rated. I remember back in high school, I was good in math. And my teacher inscribed me into a contest, which I refused to participate. Contest day arrived, and I was totally negative about it. I stated, I have not spent a single minute preparing for this, I am not participating. But I had to do the test anyways. And as strange as it may appear, I got second place. Even more strange, it wasn’t even important to me. I didn’t even remember it until graduation day, when my name was called for that.

And maybe, that is why I never liked team sports. Like football, basketball, tennis, etc. But liked diving and cycling, as they are possible to be done alone, escaping from the possibility of being compared or rated against others.

I find more pleasure doing things for the fun of it, rather than to compete or win against somebody. Even activities in witch I am better than my friends. Showing off feels like an empty victory. On the other hand, pushing myself to the limits, let’s say riding my bike alone, knowing that I have broken my previous limits, fills me with pride. It feels like a real victory to me.

Maybe I am just different.

Or maybe there are others like me, but I have not noticed them. I guess people like this are not really interested in getting noticed.